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Tuesday, April 27, 2004
new
guess this will be one of my last entries here. have moved to
Posted at 27.4.04 by unpretty
Monday, April 26, 2004
perfffect
::mood:: 
:::song::: in the middle
wheeeeeeeeeeeeee~
how long have i not been laughing from my heart.. how long have i not walked round orchard without once thinking about baby.. how long.. how long has it been since i have last shopped with friends for leisure instead of being on a mission to 'get my mind off things'. lets see.. it has been 26 days. 26 loooong days. taking serious interest in perfumes and skirts and bags once again. i feel like me once again. -smiles-
went out with little green and wenya today. went to far east to help wenya search for her bag. lol. i ended up getting more stuff than her. i even bought a bag before she got hers. *laughs* she got her pink bag in the end. haha. we walked round far east twice before locating her bag. little green was so funny. lol. think wenya's taste was too pink for her liking. *laughs* but think what wenya bought was alright. suits her. lol. i could practically see her name on the bag. saw linds today and i was like 'oh hey!!' lol. been so long since we last saw each other. i was poking her and she did not realize it that blur girl. haha...
i got my perfume. *sniffs* got the wrong sample on my wrist and i ended up smelling like a bubblegum factory after that. *grimances* i didn't like that much. oh yea.. we ate at hans. we laughed like crazy.. so much so till i developed cramps. wenya ate fried rice, and i penne arabiata. well for a spilt second.. that brief moment i was reminded of baby in a sad way. but then.. i realized that life still has to go on. this time for real. i realized that whether i am happy or not depends on me myself. i have friends like little green, wenya, kexin, william, jinli.. we are FRIENDS. my life doesn't revolve around baby only. we still have to carry on life the way we will want to. yes i love baby.. my whole heart and soul devoted to him and only him.. but i have friends. friends who care, love and make me smile when all seem bleak. =)
anywayx.. baby sms-ed me. HE IS A MARKSMAN!!!!!!! *beams* i am so proud of him. -smiles- can you see the smile on my face. can you see me grinning and beaming from ear to ear. i am so so so so so proud of him. really. never felt prouder. serious. i am singing in joy. my heart is swelling with pride and love. I LOVE YOU BABY!!!
anywayx back to topic. wenya and littlegreen are fantastic company. really really great. *smiles* don't know what i will do without them. *smiles* am so so so glad i met them at work. heex. i don't know what i will wear tomorrow. hmmmx...thinking of wearing jeans but i think it makes my hips look FAT. lol. i am paranoid. i wana dance and sing. *rock on baybeh uh huh uh huh nod you head to the beat uh huh uh huh'*
-life is picking up. i can't wait to use my new perfume!!!!!!!!!!!-
Posted at 26.4.04 by unpretty
Sunday, April 25, 2004
25th april
::mood:: 
:::song::: 7 days
i feel special.
baby came back today. his mother and me waited for him at the interchange from 6.45am till about 7 something. i was so tired but i wanted to see him badly. my mother thinks i am crazy. but i guess she doesn't know how much i am pining for him.
it was great, really great. what else can i say. one never appreciate the feeling of fingers interlocking until it is taken away.
well to tell the truth each passing hour was agony for the both of us. we goofed around a lot but we didn't manage to catch any movie because we were with his family. but they were really nice. they wanted to leave the both of us alone as much as possible. i am grateful for that. i was setting some stuff for him so that it would be easier for him to pack later on when he just grabbed me and kissed me. lol. rough. but it felt good. *smiles*
i fell asleep in his arms today. i was too sleepy. couldn't keep my eyes open. was woken up by his kiss. *smiles* my fairytale did come true.
i miss him already and it has been barely 5 hours apart. i kept wishing that i could turn back time and walk him to the interchange instead of running off for a taxi. but then again he would not want to walk him there either because he knew i was in a hurry.
::: how much you have changed baby.. changed for the better. how much gentler you have become and how much more loving. how much more patient and understanding. how much more manly. how much more sensible you have become. i have never learnt to love someone as much as you.. i have never grown to love someone more and more like how much my love for you has grown. now i know what you felt all these months. now i know the true meaning of mutual love. i love you baby, and i want the best for you. but i can't help worrying at the same time. i love you from the bottom of my heart. i want to tell you this over and over again because i love you... every second of my life. :::
2 weeks.. 2 weeks without you. i love you baby and remember that i will always be behind you.. all dee way
-"i love everything you bought. because they are from you.".. i love everything from you too baby. because they remind me of you. i love you-
Posted at 25.4.04 by unpretty
Saturday, April 24, 2004
broke
::mood:: 
:::song::: toxic
*tired* i did some massive shopping today. i got a bear for sarah-joy and a little nodding doll for rachel. put them all in a pretty box and tied it up with white ribbon.
then after that i went with kexin to do some shopping. i 'sampled' perfumes so that i will know what i want to get next week. oh oh and later we did some massive shopping, oh wells at least i did. i bought a pair of jeans which actually made my hips look slim, got a short short short denim skirt. ..its pretty.. it looks like the kind from levis but its like 10 000 times cheaper. haha. hmm got this gorgeous top too. its a bit too big but it can be altered. it goes well with denim material and i LUUURRVE it!! got this off-white top too. it looks very very very delicate and i like the material. i look nice in it... haha.. i was so excited because i got this top after HOURS of walking round town searching for the perfect spaghetti-strapped white top.
heh.. i got this purple skirt too. well it is of the same color as another one of my skirt, but i think it looks fantastic too. i don't look FAT!!! (oh wells i think i never was). hmmm got a pink-ish top. the most 'mature' of this lot. i like the look of it with the denim skirt. *smiles*
well i managed to pass geraldine my uniform today. saw eve and her boyfriend. ermx.. i was momentararily shocked. i wasn't expecting it. thoughts were running through my head.. such as whether i look presentable. i don't know why the thought flashed through my mind (though it didn't just flash past my mind.. it STAYED and traumatized me. i was troubled over this issue for the rest of the outing), and i felt stupid. sighx... whateverx.
bought baby something for his chapped lips and also something to reduce his heatiness. yeppy. all in all it was a costly day. will get my hair styler and the perfumes next week or prolly the week after. yeppy.
i think i spend too much. i spend without thinking much. i admit that my spending habits has become a living legend among people, but i aml proud to say that it has improved. i am no longer an impulsive shopper. i think and i consider before getting it. *thinks* oh wells. i think i still have a long way to go.
oh oh did i mention that our feather-brained species managed to obstruct my way in town today? that avian was with a whole lot of its species feeding on the revolting stuff they consume and were flooding the pavement. i was dodging and squirming, trying to find a route in which i will be able to pass without being harassed. but... suddenly one big ball of feathers decided to land itself at my feet and PARADED itself in front of me! yea yea yea so what if you can fly.. so what if you are the light-weight champion. i don't give a shit. it does NOT give you any right to do that. birds do NOT cross in front of us humans and I .. because i belong to the more SUPERIOR species shall walk where i want to. *nods head*
-birds only fly. while we humans rule the earth and the air in which birds fly-
Posted at 24.4.04 by unpretty
Friday, April 23, 2004
why
::mood:: 
:::song::: angels brought me here
everything is going wrong. i am having a splitting headache, feeling giddy, lump in my throat and feeling incredibly edgy.
everything is going worng wrong wrong. nothing is going right. everything is messed up. everything is wrong. i feel like crying my eyes out. to let my sorrows all out.
i want to know why am i suffering like this? why is my health deteriorating? why am i having blackouts and giddy spells. why is it that i am losing control? why is the simplest task tiring me out? why is the world moving about... so much so i can't walk straight? why is everything so hazy... why can't i seem to focus??
why is sunday the day i am looking forward to most is disappointing me? why do i cry. why am i the one always crying? why am i the one always encouraging... and when i need the encouragement and soothing.. i am never able to get it?? sometimes i wonder if anyone cares. i wonder if he cares about me as much as i do. *breaks down* i really cannot take it any longer. this week has been so horrible. so so so so horrible. i feel so sick. does anyone know? i feel so sick.. i pretend to be well i rally tried. but i am not. i want to be well.. but i can't. does he care.. does he understand?
i want to kill myself when i feel so sick.. when i can't focus.. when things go hazy. i can't concentrate no matter how hard i try. i missed out on some ic numbers while doing suppression, i don't know what i am clicking when i answer calls. i don't even know whether i am taking the taxi or bus. whether the change for the taxi fare is correct. i don't know... i can't even differentiate. whats wrong with me?
just kill me. maybe then it will all be better.
-lay me on my bed of scented roses.. let me close my eyes.. let my last teardrop fall...let me find peace-
Posted at 23.4.04 by unpretty
Thursday, April 22, 2004
thats why i love you
::mood:: 
:::song::: angels brought me here
"why do you love me so"
"because you are beautiful"
her heart sank as she realized once again its because of her appearance that attracted him to her
"you are beautiful. you are beautiful the way you believe in others even though all seemed bleak, the way you encourage and the way you make the other believe too. you are beautiful because of the way you strive to change yourself for the better. the way you try your hardest to achieve your goals.
you are beautiful because of the way you try to make the person you love happy... the way you shower others your love in little ways and the thoughful gifts that you know they will love.. the way you tolerate others' nonsense, thinking of ways to salvage the situation, never giving up hope..the way you hand write notes, handmade cards and bookmarks to encourage someone... the hugs and kisses you give to melt your special someone's troubles.
you are beautiful the way you smile.. the way it illuminates your face and making the other feel at ease. you are beautiful the way he can stare into your eyes and feel like as if he is falling in love with you all over again.
you are beautiful the way your excitement seem to pass on to others. the way it gives one the energy and the motivation.
you are also beautiful the way you seem to be decisive but yet unsure. beautiful when you know what you want, but procrastinating because you suddenly feel that its redundant (though you know its not). the vulnerable side of you which makes one want to take care of you forever. the way you always seem to want to believe but never wanting to really let go of the belief though it has let you down. the way you cry whenever misfortune happens, but smile the next day trusting that miracles happen. that faries and fairy god mothers exist.
you are beautiful the way you seem to see the bright side in everything. the way it soothes someone else's anger and impatience. the way you cheer someone up when you voice your opinions and then give that irresistable smile..
you are also beautiful the way your unique mind works. the different set of thinkings that you possess that brings laughter and at the same time puzzlement. the way you look quizzically at the other when you don't seem to understand and the way you frown when you are in doubt.
you are beautiful you surprise the others with what you do and what you say at the most unexpected moment. you are unpredictable and vivacious.. but yet gentle, loving and feminine.
you are beautiful when you push your hair back behind your ears bending over your work. you are beautiful when you seem to be so sure of yourself when you dance, captivating hundreds of others.
thats why you are beautiful. and thats why i love you. "
::::::::::::::: baby.. i love you too. thankyou for appreciating me. not only for my appearance but everything else. :::::::::::
Posted at 22.4.04 by unpretty
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
unloved
::mood:: 
:::song::: angels brought me here
i am listening to this song again. i am finally allowing the darkness surround me. i took off your ring which i hung on a chain to wear as a necklace. i laid my ring in the box. i am keeping them away. away from sight. so that i will forget. forget that we were ever happy together. because i feel very down.
un.pretty un.wanted un.loved
do you love me. do you? do you do you do you do you do you. do you know how angry i am? do you know how ANGRY I AM? do you!? huh!? if you don't want me just say so ok. i am not someone whom you can vent your anger on, someone whom you turn to if you want and throw aside when not needed. i am human. i am only human. it is tough enough having to endure days without you without having to deal with such situations.
i am having a headache. just leave me if you are only to bring me so much pain. find someone whom you really love, someone whom you will care and love. someone whom you won't want to hurt with your actions or words.
-i am hurting hurting-
Posted at 21.4.04 by unpretty
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
my fairytale
::mood:: 
:::song::: zanarkland
they say that i live in a fairytale. where dreams and wishes come true... where birthday parties are filled with love, where i am sheltered and protected. my life like a dream come true.. where everything will turn out right... happily ever after.
but is it?
maybe i am too demanding and maybe i don't know how to appreciate what i have in front of me. but all i know is.. if my life is like a fairytale, why doesn't it end 'happily ever after' tonight? why am i left feeling exhausted and unwanted? i wish there is some way to make you smile and regain your confidence again. i am willing to give up everything.. willing to give up what i have just to see you smile. if i were thumbelina i would have cheered you up because i am bring joy.. if i were a gingerbreadgirl i would have made you laugh.. and if i really were sleeping beauty like who you think i am, i would have made everything right. but.. i know i am not.
i am worried, really worried. worried about you. i wish to be with you encouraging you to strive on, hugging you when you feel demoralized, consolling you when things go wrong. i really feel like being thumbelina a gingerbread girl.. just so i can be with you.. to pick you up when you fall and to soothe your wounds when they sting. but i know i can't. but baby like what i told you... i will always be behind you. i wonder what the specialist will say after the wrist checkup. i worry too much.
if my life is a fairytale, why are things happening? because life is never fair. i don't live in a fairytale and never will..... maybe i am just being too demanding... maybe i just don't know how lucky i am and that this is just a trivial matter. maybe so maybe so. afterall fairytales do have their downs. like how snow white was poisoned.. like how sleeping beauty was pricked by the spinning wheel.. like how beauty nearly lost the beast. maybe this is one of the climax in my fairytale.. and that things will end happily ever after.
i am so tired... so tired. i miss you baby.. so much. i am so tired of having two jobs.. so tired of these emotional changes in me. i am so exhausted. just let me sleep for a while.. let my weary mind rest. let me lie on my bed of rose petals. let the scent surround me and let me sleep. don't let me drown in misery. kiss me and make everything right.. wake me up like sleeping beauty and so that my fairytale will end happily ever after.
-once upon a time in a faraway land.. where clouds and mist shrouds the castle in which i live in-
Posted at 20.4.04 by unpretty
Monday, April 19, 2004
decisions decisions
::mood:: 
:::song::: amazing
ok... here goes a list of what i want to get. i am in a very demanding mood. its just the random mood of the week when i am losing blood. so sue me. lol
maroon glasses
now come let me tell you WHY i need it. because i think i will look good in it. lol. call me a geek.. whateverx but its really cool. if you don't like it... *sniffs* then that just proves one thing. you've ain't got taste.
true. glasses do not flatter the features of certain people, but when it does, FLAUNT it. lol. i prefer myself in glasses. i look pale without them and that makes me cranky because i HATE putting on foundation and the works to make myself look normal. i don't mind the eyeliners and mascara infact i LIVE for them... but its the foundation and blusher that irks me. i don't need them to look nice. *pouts*
another thing... contacts BOTHER my eyes. they go all itchy and watery and it bloody well hurts. i think i have dry eyes. i wear contacts for special occasions but never when i am going out for a movie or to shop. it dampens my spirit when i practically have to nail my arms to my sides to prevent my fingers from rubbing my eyes.
so after proving to you people all the points.. i just convinced myself i SHOULD get them as soon as possible.
hair styler
you know those hair styler thing.. where you can straighten them or to curl them? well yea i am deciding weather i should get it or not. i am scared that it will dry my hair, or maybe something might go real wrong. BUT on the flipside, it makes me look prettier.. and when i am bored of my hairstyle, i need not spend hundreds of dollars to change it only to regret it 2 hours later. this is a temporary styler in which your hair will rebound back to its normal state after a day or two after i get sick of the style. mavis has the straightner and it works wonders for her.. and so i am not sure if i should get it. decisions decisons. lol. its not expensive.. only about $60 and i am pleased with that fact.
i wanted to ask the sales assistant if it will damage my hair or not.. but i decided against it. because reason 1) they will NEVER tell you the truth 2) they will convince me on the spot because as much as i hate to admit it.. i am a pushover. 3)i will therefore end up spending money and regretting it later. so i guess i have to make up my mind.
leave in conditioner
there should be no questions as to why i need one. *rolls eyes* i need one on bad hair days.. so that i can hide the hideous side of me by tying it up and making myself look healthy and all so sunshine. lol. now THAT makes hella sense doesn't it.
clothes
is there a question as to why i need clothes?? do i need a reason to want to buy? NO.. haha because one can ever get enough clothes. it brings out the best in you and determines the type of charater you are. short skirts, sleeveless tops, halter dresses, etc etc how can anyone not love them!? oh wells maybe its just me.. but i have this penchant for short skirts and i live for them. nahx i don't really go for those frills and layered look on those japanese girls on the contrary rather. wheeeeeee shopping hypes me up, gives me strength and energy. just thinking about it makes me awake and ready to go. lol.
and i guess thats it. i told you i am in a demanding mood. haha. well anywayx i did corres work today. god.. it was tiring. i am glad to be back to the phonelines tomorrow. lol.
miss baby a lot today. want to touch my nose against his and stare into his eyes. want to be in his embrace. geesh i keep repeating don't it? but *shrugs* thats just how i feel baebeh. uh huh. wana dance... wana dance. *rock your body* justin timberlake's rock your body is a good good dance music, you can shake along.. pink's get the party started can get me movin' too. heex... oh yea.. so can toxic. hell yea.. it gets me high. haha. whateverx.. enough of my crap. time to devour salted tomatoes again before i fall dead on my bed. tired. i think i am coming down with baby's bug. uh oh. lol.. will deal with it when time comes.
-and i'll have you naked by the end of this song-
Posted at 19.4.04 by unpretty
Sunday, April 18, 2004
stream of conciousness
::mood:: 
:::song::: superman
i had a fantastic weekend with my dearest baby. well he had high fever on saturday so i took care of him for the whole day, trying to bring his temperature down with ice packs and forcing him to drink lots of water. i fell asleep on the coffee table while waiting for him to wake up and his maid had to give me some cough syrup cux i was still sick. lol. weird. his temperature did went down. from 39.7 to about 37. i was so worried when i took his temperature and realized how high his fever was. god... i was trying frantically to cool him down and at the same time praying that he will start perspiring.
he told me somethings that made me smile in delight, and at the same time tear because i was so touched. i never knew how much he loved until then. and i realize that i love him as much too.. *kisses baby*
went to watch movie today and got him a wristguard. his wirst has been bothering him for quite sometime now. i thought it would be wiser for him to get one before things got worse. he passed his individual fieldcraft and his first aid test and he is told to aim for marksman *proud* i am so so so proud of him. *muakx*
someone took his keys. he was very upset about it. not upset about the fact that the keys are gone but rather the keychain that i bought is now lost to him. i personally like the keychain a lot. it is actually 2 metallic signs one symbolizing a girl and the other a guy. so anyone.. if you happen to find it, please return it to us and make my baby smile. and so... since he lost his keys, we could not get into the house after our movie trip today. so guess what i had to do. because i was small and petite.. i climbed into his room through the window and unlocked the door. *rolls eyes* i hope no one saw me then because that would be SOO embarassing.
i am babbling again am i? *sighx* lol. i can't help it, i just need to pen down everything. anywayx...
baby: it feels so right to kiss you and to lie in your arms again. i am now able to once again close my eyes, sigh in contentment and be surrounded by magic and fairy lights. it felt so good to have your face against mine. i am sorry if i cried and worried you today. i just didn't want the weekend to end. but you are right, i will see you on sunday. i will go get my hair stuff on saturday while you take your marksman-ship test. then we will be together on sunday. as for next week when you will be going for the field-camp thing i will be strong. *locks fingers with you* promise. i will not cry. promise you this baby with strawberries on top of mango pudding and sherry temple as a drink *yummy*. heex. i love you. i am really really touched when you told me you are motivated to strive harder because of me.. because you want to protect me... protect me from harm. *kiss* thankyou.. i will try not to be so 'weak' and not so 'vulnerable' ya.. will try my hardest.
thankyou for loving me honey.. thankyou for lighting up my life with bright lights.. you are like the cool wind cooling the hot weather, the strawberry on sherry temple, the discounts in all my favourite stores, the discovery of new ice cream flavours, shopping sprees, sitting on cushy chairs for our fav movie, reading a good novel.. only that you are 1000000000000000000000 times better. *smiles* i hope you know how much you make me smile and how you light up my life. thankyou baby for changing for me too. i never loved anyone as much as i love you... i love uu
-sealed with a kiss- Posted at 18.4.04 by unpretty
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